I'm Pretty Sure that I'm a Monster
There's way too many of me. All of us are always fighting for control, but when we all agree on something is when it gets really scary.
I feel as though I should be going around apologizing to everyone, but I'm not sure the current me is the one that ever caused any problems, because I can't recall the motivation for any of the things that I currently regret.
It really is as though someone else takes over and stirs shit up just to cause me grief.
Unfortunately she looks just like me and answers to my name.
Or maybe she's the real me and I'm the one that causes her aggravation. It's really hard to tell at this point.
Biggest regret? I couldn't save any of them. But they never really listened to me in the first place. Never respected me. Loyalty and honesty don't matter if you're a brunette with no money and no tact.
Never understood why bleach, lipstick and prefaded jeans would get people to listen to you. (Liar) Just wanted to live in a world where it wasn't true. Still helped them with their math homework, though. I was a smartass about it, because it came to me so easily.
Lost it though. Stopped caring. It would have still come to me easily, if I had just let it, but the barriers went up and then nothing new came in. Blank. I knew enough. Seen enough. No more no more no more. Stop the ride, please. I want to get off.
It's easy again, for now. I'm craving Trig pretty badly right now. I want to know as much as I can, even though half of it terrifies the shit out of me. Could only be a hobby though, because turning something I love into Work breaks something inside me.
No one knows me. I don't even know me. Some internet stalker probably knows me. I kind've hate being watched. (Liar) I love being watched. I like it better when I get caught and then I talk my way out, or, if I'm in the mood, I become evil, admit to everything and then make up crazy shit I didn't do, just to see their faces. Incredulous looks. Flabbergasted looks. Terrified looks. People shouldn't let me get under their skin, it will give them wrinkles.
I'll break things even more. Burn things. Bake things. It will be delicious.
I'm sorry. So sorry.